I suggested some time ago that I would share some thoughts on where I thought my life was heading. At the time I was feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed, so I'm glad I have waited until now to write about it!
This morning I read this post by the lovely greenolive, and something she wrote has stayed in my mind:
"Letting go can be good. You can't control and plan for everything. You gotta leave some room for things to happen. Things that are even better than you could imagine."
I have always been a planner. From way back. When I was a small girl growing up I'd always be thinking of the next thing I wanted to do, and how I would do it. As I got older, my plans got bigger. Of course, I now needed more time to think about these plans. All the while, a nagging voice inside was trying to tell me I was not happy. But I pushed it aside, telling myself 'when I achieve my goals, I will be happy'.
Life continued. And then, a few months ago, everything turned upside down and I was forced to stop. And to think. Getting through the next 15 minutes seemed like a struggle, let alone the next few weeks, or months, or years.
I have changed these past few months. And I put it down to one thing.
Being in the moment.
I never realised before that while I was planning ahead and thinking about all the great things I was going to do in the future, that life was actually happening all around me. That great things were happening RIGHT NOW.
So. I have slowed down. I now spend more time with friends. Drinking wine. Talking. Relaxing. And not worrying that I should be doing something 'more productive'. And what do you know? When you open yourself up to people, when you start to relax, to live life, wonderful things happen. Unexpected things. People come into your life who surprise you. Who reinforce everything you have been thinking and feeling. Who make you feel like yourself. You know who you are.